In 2021 I had another early miscarriage. My coping strategies included fixing up our house piece by piece and gradually adding chickens and gardens to the property. We found out around our anniversary in August that we were pregnant with #5, our second rainbow baby.
During this time, we had realized that we wanted to better utilize our basement space and use the upstairs master bedroom for the kid’s room. We could not fit four kids into the small side room we were using for them. We started cleaning it up, moving things around and once again, installing flooring at 38 weeks pregnant (Why does this seem familiar?). Sam jokes that he wished my nesting involved more cleaning and not construction.
On Sunday, April 10th (8 days before my due date) I woke up to small gushes of fluid. I let my midwife know because I was anticipating contractions to start at any time. With my other births my water had broken during active labor. We thought we had another week to finish our renovations, but with this new development Sam decided to boot, scoot, and boogie to finish. He did it and we moved everything around to be ready for labor that night.
Alas, nothing happened. I was having occasional contractions, but other than her regular movements it was complete radio silence. For the next 10 days my water continued to gradually leak and we waited. If you have a small leak in fluid, your body will continue to make fluid to compensate so you don’t just run out, like one would think. We monitored my temperature, blood pressure, baby movements and heart rates to be sure that there was no infection. I rested, slept, organized baby things, but considered myself on modified bed rest until labor. I was frustrated, confused, and conflicted.
On the 14th, I called everyone after some seemingly consistent, hard contractions. I didn’t want the labor to suddenly pick up and have another unassisted birth like I had with #4. They all came around 6am but within an hour we all realized that the contractions had slowed down and spaced out. The false alarm was devastating, I felt like I had absolutely no idea what was going on with my body. I envied mothers that talked about their ‘Mommy-gut’. These mothers seemed to have a sixth sense about their kids and their bodies; they talked about how they “just knew”. I felt like a woman adrift, lost in a sea of amniotic fluid and my own insecurities.
Finally, April 20th, 2 days after my due date, I decided that I needed to try some induction methods from home. After lots of research and weighing all options, we decided to try some extremely small doses of castor oil throughout the day (believe me, I know this is controversial, I knew the risks involved and kept in close contact with my team). Around 6pm, after 3/4 of the recommended dosage, I started having contractions that were about 10 minutes apart. At 630pm I had a few contractions that were super close together. My mom stopped by and I said, ‘We will see, you can go home, I will keep you updated’. Of course, about 15 minutes later, I concluded that they weren’t slowing down.
To avoid that unassisted birth, I let my midwife know and called my mom back. I contracted for an hour while I paced or bounced on the balance ball. By 815pm the intensity was high and I was getting the ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore’ feeling that comes with transition. The next contraction sent me to all-fours on my bed. Sometimes pushing can be relieving, but this pushing WAS NOT. I kept saying, ‘I don’t want to, I don’t want to push!’ Sam told me later that had worried him a little because I had never said anything like that in my previous labors. To me it felt like forever of pushing when I felt like I couldn’t, but I only pushed 3 times to reveal that she had a hand up by her face that was causing the intensity.
I delivered her into Sam’s hands at 831pm. She seemed so small and had a true-knot in her umbilical cord. She was 6lbs 9oz and 19in long. Even smaller than #4. The labor time was approximately 2.5 hours, and I was so thankful that I managed to call everybody in time! And thanks to Sam’s hard work, I recovered in my brand-new bedroom.
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